Thursday, October 20, 2011


I had a major panic attack during lunch break today. It suddenly occurred to me that I have no long term goals. I know, weird stuff to be thinking about during lunch, but thought about it I did. What do I want when I turn, say 30? It freaked me out to realize that I really, as in really, don't know.

And so, I embarked on a soul search right then and there. Yep, talking aloud about it to my very sympathetic friends counts as soul searching to me. Yep, googling "examples of long term goals" also count as a soul searching endeavor. And what did I, with the help of google and friendly advice, come up with?

1. I don't really wanna be rich. I just want to spend money like it doesn't matter, and I guess for some people those two are the same. Okay. I prefer I want to spend money as if it grows on a tree.

2. Google input: backpack Europe by the time I reach 30. I do want that. That means I have to accomplish number 1 first.

3. Angge and Al input: a house. Okay. I'd aim for a house then. I guess every self respecting yuppie should and would get one.

Am I crazy because I can't think of myself scrambling up the professional ladder? That doesn't mean I want to be a staff all my life, it just means that I don't really find being a supervisor or manager appealing which I guess is the same thing. Argh. I guess going into research would be nice, where you get a chance to be famous because of some discovery-- and having a boss is more of an abstract idea, you know. I mean, of course, you have an advisers who you have consult, but most of the time you'd be the one calling the shots. Hmm, a researcher. That sounds nice. Sigh. I have to attain number 1 first. :(

I guess I'm having some sort of a quarter life, identity crisis. Deep inside I know that I know what I want myself to attain, only I don't know it right now. I hope I figure it out soon, because thinking of the future gives me psychological headaches (I rarely have physical headaches, but that's beside the point) and major panic attacks on lunchbreaks. Not good.

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